Sunshine, good friends, clients, parties on rooftop decks, watermelon water, lessons from the Universe and a wonderful photo sent to me this morning by a good friend to help cheer me up.
And now I need a day to just sit because so much happened in the last 48 hrs.
One important lesson I learned this weekend was to check in with my body. This sounds so simple but honestly. It's really not a simple thing for me.
Let me explain.
This weekend I met some new people. I was having a great time getting to know them and I found myself telling funny stories about my love life. But suddenly I started to noticed where I was feeling uncomfortable in my body and my spirit. I was having fun but something felt off. As we moved venues and kept hanging out someone asked me what I did for work. I then started to tell them about Ritual Coaching and my practice. All of a sudden the energy shifted. I felt really comfortable. I felt strong, beautiful and excited in a way that all afternoon I had not been feeling.
I ran home to shower between parties and as I was walking down the hallway my guides pointed out to me -
Don't you feel the difference in how much better talking about your story felt than talking about Mr. Bigman's story? It's time to stop hiding behind men and to really own your life. It's time for you to shine and to notice what feels good and what does not feel good. Only talk about what feels good. Let go of what no longer feels good in your body.
And then I felt a rush of energy. Holy BATMAN!
I can see how I did this with all my Ex's. Their story became much more interesting in my life than my own story. So I would focus on them and give up on myself. Every single time.
But as I was walking down the hallway I heard myself say this.
My story is interesting.
It feels so good to finally embrace the fact that my story is interesting.
This is very different than being a straight ego moment. This is about the self love that I have been missing that is finally returning. This is not to say I am the most interesting person in the world. But this is to say that I am returning to myself and realizing how even in things as simple as friendly conversation, I am quick to give up on myself and deny my truth.
Now comes the hard part. Change.
I have a sadness today. Because when I come to realize my story is more interesting than Mr. Bigman's story, I also realized I no longer want to be a part of his story. I want my own story. I want a man that is not tied up with an organization that rules his life. I want a man that wants me for my story and wants to me meet me with his story.
This sounds so cryptic I know. But I can't really say much more than it. His name is Mr. Bigman for a reason.
So I have to integrate this lesson. Let the feelings come up. Let myself be sad about letting go of the old story while I call in my new story.
Because my new story has me standing in my power and being surrounded by loving and wonderful people that love me for me.
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