Trying To Put It Into Words

I am trying to put what this weekend has meant to me into words and frankly..... There are none.

I am bone tired.  I am broken open.  I am at peace. I am trusting the Universe.  I am secure.

These are just a few of the things that I am feeling at this moment.   There are so many layers to what I just experienced.

I took a chance and went to Hannah Marcotti's Laughing Loon retreat in Maine.   It was something that half of me kept saying No too.  But my Spirit kept saying yes.

I am so glad I went.

Right as I was leaving town I found out my current job is pretty much over.   I kept thinking.  I should not go to the retreat.  But then my spirit would pop up and say, if you miss it, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

And she was so right!

I arrived on Thursday just exhausted.   I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained.   I knew some of the ladies so I had people to hold me.  But I was also very out of my element.

By Thursday night I was in bed early and slept all night long.  No waking up.  No noise could have woken me.    And I was Freezing!  I had not put enough blankets or warm clothing on Thursday night.  I was shaking from the cold. 

Friday morning out of the blue I received an email with the start of salary discussions about my dream job.  Yep. From no job Wednesday night as I head to the airport to let's get this other job moving.  It was a huge turn of events.  And one I needed.

It turns out I was staying in a cabin with three incredibly talented and successful women.   And they were able to hold me as I cried, I laughed and I finally started to realize my self worth.   This is not something that comes easy to me.  I work very hard but often never feel successful.   These women flipped that thought in my head so hard.    It was life changing!

I got it.  I got this.   

My life is forever changed thanks to this weekend.    After my hot seat chair I socialized a bit more and then went to bed.   The next morning I was exhausted.  I didn't want to leave my bed or my warm cabin.   I had dreams of writing my book in a cabin in the woods.  I nestled in for a couple of hours of alone time.  Then when the sun came out I spent an hour in the lake.    I needed to cleanse.  I needed water.  I need quiet time. 

I needed to celebrate me!

It's so hard for me to celebrate me.  It feels like trying to move a mountain.   But it's long over due.

Saturday night was our last night there.  And then I had to pack and return home last night.    I am still working to process the whole experience.   I am still in shock and awe that I will be moving soon.  That I got my dream job and that I get to grow my company.   

I am so blessed, grateful and grounded in these next steps in life.   

This Full Moon Is All About Relationships

If there was ever a time when I needed a hug it would be this week.  Nothing bad has happened.  I am just feeling the upcoming full moon and reflecting on relationships in my life.
I am feeling out where I want to be more vulnerable and beginning to understand the people I want to be vulnerable with.   Sometimes knowledge like this requires endings.  Or changes in status.

This is where I need the big hug!

My life is becoming one where I need a strong inner circle of friends.  I need to be able to be weak, vulnerable and silly with them.  I need to be able to make mistakes and not be judged.  I need at times someone to coach the coach.  Not everyone can be this for me.   It's been a hard lesson for me to learn.

But as I grow my company and my dream, I am starting to realize the most amazing people are showing up as I become more authentic and live my dream.   These women are strong and beautiful. They see me, believe in me and can hold me.  Faults and all.   They don't snap at me or tear me down.
I am leaving town tomorrow for 4 days on the East Coast.   I will be at a beautiful lake with 35 women celebrating life and community.   I will be setting some intentions in nature. I will be spending time with friends from my Blue Moon retreat and I will be meeting new people.  I will be loving, crying and growing.   And I will be happy because I will be planting more seeds to manifest over the next couple of months.

I am truly grateful for my life.

http://hannahmarcotti.com/2015/05/21/laughing-loon-retreat/

Today is dreamy

I am in this state of bliss.
The world is a little more beautiful today.  My life is a little more sweeter.  My dreams are a little bigger and closer than ever before.

I am so happy about how Monday went.   I am feeling truly blessed in life.

Every interaction in life is going deeper than I ever thought possible.   There is this magical reason for my every step.
Things get postponed for a reason.  Things come to me for a reason.   I am making use of what my life is like right now to get closer to where I want to go.

And I am so fucking GRATEFUL!  

I have never worked so hard in my life.   I have never been so busy and so fulfilled.  I have never been so happy and alive and authentic.

Yesterday there were hummingbirds and feathers all around me. Signs that I am not alone in this world.   I had people share with me kind stories of how the work I am doing is changing their lives.  Truly authentic stories of people around me changing one at a time.   My heart was exploding with happiness.

I even had a friend write me to say he wished he could have my enthusiasm for life.   I said it's not just mine.   All I did was add a formal into the mix that seems to be working for me.
It has made me love life in a way I never have.   It has made me so grateful and full of joy.

We were also talking about how Garden State came out 10 years ago.   I was flooded with memories of my life 10 years ago.  How miserable I was.   I was in a dead-end life.  I felt like I was slowly dying via quick sand - but it was slow sand.   I was in a terrible relationship with someone so cruel and absent.  My best friend was dying.  I felt stuck, miserable and like I deserved this hell because I was not worthy of anything  else.
I remember watching the movie and listening to the music just screaming on the inside, this is not what my life is supposed to be like.  Do not settle for this small world.   I kept dreaming of the exact life I have right now.  I felt so unhappy and uncomfortable in every way.   And my spirit kept yelling that I deserved my dreams and so much more.

Fast forward 10 years and WOW.  This is exactly what my life is supposed to be like and there is more to come. Magic is back.  My dreams are manifesting.  I am about to embark on an amazing adventure to the mountains and my dream job and soon I will be traveling the world bringing ritual coaching to many more lives.   This is the bigness I always knew I could create.   This is the balance of magic and real life I always knew I wanted.  And I get to teach and bring magic to people's lives.  I get to share all of this with people.

I am so fucking GRATEFUL!

My Heart Is Full

Last night was one of the best nights of my life!

Seriously.

I hosted my first new moon ritual coaching event last night and  I had 11 women show up.   More importantly, I had 11 women show up for themselves.  They each planted seeds for change in their lives.   I was able to guide and witness the start of this.   I am so excited and proud of the work we did together.

And I am excited for my own life change.  

One year ago my life looked very different than it does now.  And I am not even close to where I want to be. But I am so much closer than I was before.  
Magic truly does exist and is the most beautiful thing I have ever been a part of.  

I will be scheduling more in person events and I am starting to plan a weekend retreat soon.    So many changes happening.  So much goodness and so much MAGIC.

Big Changes - Beautiful Changes

I am on the verge of some big changes.  I can feel it.  
I have never felt more relaxed and sure of myself.

Two very interesting sentences together.   Normally changes cause fear, panic and unhappiness. But these changes I have been working with since last November.  These changes have been the basis of my rituals every few weeks for almost a year.  These changes feel like coming home.   Everything I have been doing and thinking has brought about these exciting changes.  Actually, my whole life has brought me to this point.  Because these changes are rooted in who I have been since I was kid.  
It's just that I finally let my authentic self come forward and the Universe is meeting me half way.

I am also learning the fine art of letting go the need to control, be right or live in ego.   I have been working with this lesson since my spine injury and I find that my life has gotten easier with every opportunity to practice this lesson.   Now I am being presented with people that want to live that way in my life and I am not having it.  I don't want to be controlled, have someone force what they think is right on me or allow their ego to rule our relationship.   It simply won't work anymore for me.

So I am letting go and just keeping my side of the street clean.   I know the kind of people I need and want in my life.   And they are showing up like never before.   My heart is so full!  

New Moon Ritual For September - It's all about facing your fears!

New Moon Ritual for September

All about facing your fears to bring in the new

This new moon is different. I can feel it.  It’s not about calling in the new in a traditional sense.  No, that would not be practical enough for dear Virgo.  This new moon is all about facing your fears so that you can release them to call in the new.   Sounds fun right!

Or not.

But that’s the theme this week.  Facing your fears, facing your shadow.  Being tested by taking you right to the edge of your dreams and then stopping.  Placing you right on the  verge of your dreams and then making you sit in the uncomfortable moment right before you jump.  And holding you there so that you really understand that manifesting is not just a grocery list of items you want in life.  Walking this life is all about trusting yourself and the Universe enough to take that leap of faith knowing you will be supported the whole way.

And guess what?

That moment is scary!   There is no net that you can see,  there is no turning back and the other side suddenly looks very far away.  But if you can heal that fear, if you trust that you will make it safely to the other side then you will feel joy and excitement on a level you never knew possible.  

You just have to heal those fears and that shadow side.  You need to turn to faith and divine timing.  You need to uncover what is causing this fear and release it so that the new life can come in.

So for September let’s write down our desires on one side of the paper and our fears on the other side.  Let’s compare these two statements.   Then let’s write down our desires with a statement that calms the fear and flips it.     Let’s soothe these fears.   Burn the desire list that is full of your fears!  Release it.  Then save your desire list that has the new loving statements alongside the desires.  This is going to be your guiding light for the next month.  

I would also buy or make a special candle to have for this month.  Everyday light the candle for a few minutes a day and read the new list.  It will help you let go of the fear.  

The Future is Calling

I never thought my life would be so exciting!

I have a phone call with a dream company in a few hours. A life changing opportunity more aligned with my soul's purpose.  Also an opportunity that aligns with my company. 

There is so much excitement and fear all wrapped up into this new life I am moving towards.  I am showing up in the world in a very authentic way which is so scary.  What if being authentic back fires?  What if I fail?

But if I sink into the fear what I come away with is that this is exactly where I need to be.  Living the most authentic life possible.  Living my dreams and helping people create theirs.  

It's all about Divine Timing. 

Divine timing works at it's own pace.  It can't be rushed. It does not answer to modern day schedules. Divine timing  is in charge and knows what's best.  It's the most frustrating part of magic but also the most beautiful part because if you give up control and keep your vision clear, then divine timing comes in and creates the life you want in a way that is even better than you could imagine. 

I am sitting here in this space of waiting.  Of trusting.   Of facing my fears and trying to not run away.

I am sitting on the edge of a life changing decision and I am ready to take the leap.