Trying To Put It Into Words

I am trying to put what this weekend has meant to me into words and frankly..... There are none.

I am bone tired.  I am broken open.  I am at peace. I am trusting the Universe.  I am secure.

These are just a few of the things that I am feeling at this moment.   There are so many layers to what I just experienced.

I took a chance and went to Hannah Marcotti's Laughing Loon retreat in Maine.   It was something that half of me kept saying No too.  But my Spirit kept saying yes.

I am so glad I went.

Right as I was leaving town I found out my current job is pretty much over.   I kept thinking.  I should not go to the retreat.  But then my spirit would pop up and say, if you miss it, you will regret it for the rest of your life.

And she was so right!

I arrived on Thursday just exhausted.   I was mentally, emotionally and spiritually drained.   I knew some of the ladies so I had people to hold me.  But I was also very out of my element.

By Thursday night I was in bed early and slept all night long.  No waking up.  No noise could have woken me.    And I was Freezing!  I had not put enough blankets or warm clothing on Thursday night.  I was shaking from the cold. 

Friday morning out of the blue I received an email with the start of salary discussions about my dream job.  Yep. From no job Wednesday night as I head to the airport to let's get this other job moving.  It was a huge turn of events.  And one I needed.

It turns out I was staying in a cabin with three incredibly talented and successful women.   And they were able to hold me as I cried, I laughed and I finally started to realize my self worth.   This is not something that comes easy to me.  I work very hard but often never feel successful.   These women flipped that thought in my head so hard.    It was life changing!

I got it.  I got this.   

My life is forever changed thanks to this weekend.    After my hot seat chair I socialized a bit more and then went to bed.   The next morning I was exhausted.  I didn't want to leave my bed or my warm cabin.   I had dreams of writing my book in a cabin in the woods.  I nestled in for a couple of hours of alone time.  Then when the sun came out I spent an hour in the lake.    I needed to cleanse.  I needed water.  I need quiet time. 

I needed to celebrate me!

It's so hard for me to celebrate me.  It feels like trying to move a mountain.   But it's long over due.

Saturday night was our last night there.  And then I had to pack and return home last night.    I am still working to process the whole experience.   I am still in shock and awe that I will be moving soon.  That I got my dream job and that I get to grow my company.   

I am so blessed, grateful and grounded in these next steps in life.