Today is dreamy

I am in this state of bliss.
The world is a little more beautiful today.  My life is a little more sweeter.  My dreams are a little bigger and closer than ever before.

I am so happy about how Monday went.   I am feeling truly blessed in life.

Every interaction in life is going deeper than I ever thought possible.   There is this magical reason for my every step.
Things get postponed for a reason.  Things come to me for a reason.   I am making use of what my life is like right now to get closer to where I want to go.

And I am so fucking GRATEFUL!  

I have never worked so hard in my life.   I have never been so busy and so fulfilled.  I have never been so happy and alive and authentic.

Yesterday there were hummingbirds and feathers all around me. Signs that I am not alone in this world.   I had people share with me kind stories of how the work I am doing is changing their lives.  Truly authentic stories of people around me changing one at a time.   My heart was exploding with happiness.

I even had a friend write me to say he wished he could have my enthusiasm for life.   I said it's not just mine.   All I did was add a formal into the mix that seems to be working for me.
It has made me love life in a way I never have.   It has made me so grateful and full of joy.

We were also talking about how Garden State came out 10 years ago.   I was flooded with memories of my life 10 years ago.  How miserable I was.   I was in a dead-end life.  I felt like I was slowly dying via quick sand - but it was slow sand.   I was in a terrible relationship with someone so cruel and absent.  My best friend was dying.  I felt stuck, miserable and like I deserved this hell because I was not worthy of anything  else.
I remember watching the movie and listening to the music just screaming on the inside, this is not what my life is supposed to be like.  Do not settle for this small world.   I kept dreaming of the exact life I have right now.  I felt so unhappy and uncomfortable in every way.   And my spirit kept yelling that I deserved my dreams and so much more.

Fast forward 10 years and WOW.  This is exactly what my life is supposed to be like and there is more to come. Magic is back.  My dreams are manifesting.  I am about to embark on an amazing adventure to the mountains and my dream job and soon I will be traveling the world bringing ritual coaching to many more lives.   This is the bigness I always knew I could create.   This is the balance of magic and real life I always knew I wanted.  And I get to teach and bring magic to people's lives.  I get to share all of this with people.

I am so fucking GRATEFUL!

New Start

This morning was perfect.

I woke up an hour early refreshed and it was quiet.   After two weeks of extreme heat for the Northwest, the cloud cover is a welcome change.  I was happy to be up before the construction guys started.  I didn't feel groggy or sleepy.  I finally felt peaceful enough to get out of bed and to sit in my cozy green chair to write my morning pages.

Boy did I have a lot to write about.   I had some pretty intense dreams last night.  They were good.  Lot's of mental sorting and lessons.  Ex's came into my dreams that normally would have made me sad.  Not last night.  There was nothing but the feelings I had when we were together.  With one person it was the feeling of constantly having my boundaries crossed and ignored.   I don't want this person back in my life.  I never liked how much they took over in my world and just walked all over me.  I am sure they never meant too but they did.  It was like a bulldozer.  A selfish narcissistic bulldozer.   The other person was only in my dreams for a moment and it revolved around me putting my life on hold for them.  Our biggest issues was me fighting to keep my dreams moving forward while we were together.  I was determined not to disappear like my previous relationship but this caused issues because they wanted me not to work so hard, not to focus so much on school, not to network as much.

But then I woke up and thought.  That isn't me anymore.  I don't have any connection to these people anymore. I can dream about the past and it no longer hurts me.   I am free of both of these people.

Progress!

I also sat with the realization that I will soon be waking up without an alarm clock when I am coaching full time.  I will be able to spend my first hour of the morning writing, having a cup of tea and embracing the sunrise.   I will be relaxed all day because I have faith that the universe is providing me with exactly what I need.  The best part, this new chapter is not very far away.   I can see it becoming reality everyday.  I can feel it every morning I wake up and feel so much gratitude and love.

Today feels like a fresh start and I hope everyone has similar feelings because we all deserve to wake up this peaceful and happy.  It is such a great way to wake up!

My Story - My Body

This weekend was perfect!

Sunshine, good friends, clients, parties on rooftop decks, watermelon water, lessons from the Universe and a wonderful photo sent to me this morning by a good friend to help cheer me up.

And now I need a day to just sit because so much happened in the last 48 hrs.  

One important lesson I learned this weekend was to check in with my body.  This sounds so simple but honestly. It's really not a simple thing for me.

Let me explain.

This weekend I met some new people.  I was having a great time getting to know them and I found myself telling funny stories about my love life.  But suddenly I started to noticed where I was feeling uncomfortable in my body and my spirit.  I was having fun but something felt off.   As we moved venues and kept hanging out someone asked me what I did for work.  I then started to tell them about Ritual Coaching and my practice.   All of a sudden the energy shifted.  I felt really comfortable.  I felt strong, beautiful and excited in a way that all afternoon I had not been feeling.   

I ran home to shower between parties and as I was walking down the hallway my guides pointed out to me -

Don't you feel the difference in how much better talking about your story felt than talking about Mr. Bigman's story?  It's time to stop hiding behind men and to really own your life.  It's time for you to shine and to notice what feels good and what does not feel good.   Only talk about what feels good.  Let go of what no longer feels good in your body.

And then I felt a rush of energy. Holy BATMAN! 

I can see how I did this with all my Ex's.  Their story became much more interesting in my life than my own story. So I would focus on them and give up on myself.   Every single time.

But as I was walking down the hallway I heard myself say this.

My story is interesting. 

It feels so good to finally embrace the fact that my story is interesting.  

This is very different than being a straight ego moment.  This is about the self love that I have been missing that is finally returning.  This is not to say I am the most interesting person in the world.  But this is to say that I am returning to myself and realizing how even in things as simple as friendly conversation, I am quick to give up on myself and deny my truth. 

Now comes the hard part.  Change.

I have a sadness today.  Because when I come to realize my story is more interesting than Mr. Bigman's story, I also realized I no longer want to be a part of his story.  I want my own story.  I want a man that is not tied up with an organization that rules his life.  I want a man that wants me for my story and wants to me meet me with his story.  

This sounds so cryptic I know.  But I can't really say much more than it.  His name is Mr. Bigman for a reason. 

So I have to integrate this lesson.  Let the feelings come up.  Let myself be sad about letting go of the old story while I call in my new story.  

Because my new story has me standing in my power and being surrounded by loving and wonderful people that love me for me.  

Inspiration

I am feeling inspired this morning!   

The Universe is whispering sweet messages of change and I can honestly feel my energy shifting.  I have outgrown so many limitations in my life lately.   I am really starting to see and feel the difference.   What was once painful but accepted as life feels wrong and no longer acceptable in my life.  

This is huge!

I am blown away by this realization.  I no longer have to hold onto things out of fear or self hatred.   I can set boundaries and standards and then decide who gets to be in my life.  Instead of feeling desperate, I am feeling confident about my life.  This has also changed my story.   I no longer feel the need to please everyone nor does anyone's opinion matter but my own and those I decide upon.   

Ground Breaking!

And then I read this wonderful article about the upcoming Venus in retrograde and it explains so clearly what I am thinking and talking about.   Venus is talking to us and showing us where we need to change.  She wants us to change in these area's in the most loving way.  That's why I adore Venus. She is not a fighter but that soft energy that is going to guide you to life changing realizations.  And she wants you to change with love and fun.   

So my weekend plans are all about love, friendship, magic and relaxing.

Post Vacation

I took a much needed long vacation and my soul is happy.

I feel relaxed in a way I haven't felt in years.  I work so hard and love what I do but sometimes I forget that I need to recharge and just do nothing.

Plus, now I am ready to tackle a couple of huge projects and add more clients to my calendar.  I am ready to move to the next level in my company plans and I feel excited to take on this work.
And I return with a deeper love of my coaching.   I didn't plan it but all my clients reached out to me at the same time around the full moon.   It was beautiful and perfect!  

We don't realize how affected we are by the moon but now that I am working with clients on a regular basis, I can see it.  New moons and full moons cause shifts in people.  Including myself.

I have come back with a deeper level of self love and love towards my life.   I also have a feeling of peace and security that I have been missing for years.  The universe really is helping me.  I am being guided to this beautiful life and everyday is a choice to see it.

My heart is full!